Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
