Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
cat food counts as protein by the way
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
