I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Who died my cat blue again?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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