My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
