he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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