Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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