Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
