I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
