I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
