It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Randomize