I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
