I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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