In the future we'll all be gay
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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