my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
