I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
