No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
