You made me cry and you don't even care
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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