I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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