Im at strip club and am horny
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
