honey bunches of taint.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
