its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
