god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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