what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
