I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
