I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
