if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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