I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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