Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
