pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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