i love accidental penises.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
