imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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