Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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