new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
