He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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