i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
