You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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