If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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