You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
All the doctor said was why
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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