Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
