Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
40s are totally the cure
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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