So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
