I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Randomize
