i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize