Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
