I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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