I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
