Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
