just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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