A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I have aggressive nipples.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
