we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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