I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
