You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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