NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
