I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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