the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
