farters have to be the big spoon...
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
