I'll bet she douches with gravy.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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