When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
