I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
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