its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I have fence marks all over my body
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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