I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
be right there i have to get my cape
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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