I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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