A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
he puts the penis in happiness.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
