I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
