plz talk dirty to me
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
