I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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