She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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