I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
