my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
