I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
