fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I wear drunk well.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
