he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
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