That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
