The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
