This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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